Girl, you’re doing the femininity work. You’re leveling up inside and outside. You’re even dating a compatible, masculine man. But something is still off. You can’t bring yourself to ask him to buy you things. There’s a pair of shoes, a course, or a trip you’re burning to experience and you would love him to cover the expense for you. In this article, you’re going to learn how to be in your power and your words.
First Things First
You don’t have to be down and out to ask a man for money. Desperation is not the vibration you want to carry. To be honest, many women today are killing it and capable of paying for all their desires themselves. But, that will never kill the feminine urge to be spent on. Say it with me, “I don’t have to be struggling, to be worthy of help and investment.” As a feminine woman, you should be asking men for high-vibrational things like experiences or education. Money requests for car fuel, bills, or emergencies aren’t complete no-nos, but these needs should be few and far between when you’re not living together. The survival basics aren’t a great place to start asking for things in a relationship. The energy is spoiling and supporting, not donations and sob stories.
Before we go deep, here are some of my approaches to asking for money:
The only three-date rule I believe in is waiting to ask a man to spend money on you until the third date. I suggest starting with a small ask.
When asking a man to spend money, speak to him in person or over the phone for the personal touch of your voice.
Know your wants and needs intimately before you communicate them to him. Chances are he doesn’t keep tabs on upcoming Sephora or Nordstrom sales, so he may need some assistance to make it happen for you.
If you need some inspiration, here’s a little formula for asking:
“[Insert Pet Name], I want to [Insert Desire] because it will make me [Insert Emotion or Experience]. Can you buy it for me, please?”
Make sure that you keep it cute, direct, and flirtatious. Being playful or stroking his ego is a nice touch; it makes it a fun experience for him and it’s excellent feminine energy practice. Now you may be thinking, that’s nice and all, but I’m still not comfortable with asking. Let’s go deeper and release the fear of asking for your desires for good.
Let’s Unpack This
Choosing relationships that you intentionally benefit from is healthy adulting for any gender. Any relationship where the parties are not fully aware of their benefits is a breeding ground for parasitism or competition. While the mediocre status quo may tell you benefiting in a relationship is manipulative, this mindset simply makes you intelligent and an intelligent man will respect this. Obviously, you need to be sure your man is capable and willing! If you’re with a gainfully employed, generous man with disposable income asking him to spend money is only an issue in your mind. Let me explain.
There was a time I felt guilt about asking a man to spend money. It didn’t matter how long I was with someone or if we were sexually active. I masked my unworthiness with thoughts like I don’t want to stress him out or what if he honestly doesn’t have it and never asked him. But this ladies, this is a crucial moment in a relationship when the masculine divine is tested. You do not want to rob your man, yourself, or your relationship of this moment!
Your requests are healthy challenges for masculine men. Men thrive off healthy challenges. At this moment, he gets to decide if he wants to give you an absolute no without trying, or if he wants to go out there and hunt. This is how you will know if the man in front of you is in his healthy masculinity or not.
You may hear women in the hypergamous femininity spaces say things like, “Go shopping with his money often.” or “Why spend mine when I can spend his?” This mindset is not about being cute or cheeky, it’s about knowing something important to the success of your relationship. He needs to spend on you so his mind associates you with his masculinity level-up. This is a powerful part of masculine bonding in romantic relationships. It may take him some time to hunt and he may even fail, but if he is not interested in providing for you or you only hear no’s or excuses - get out, sis.
Many of us, myself included, struggle with this in the early stages of the hypergamy journey. We lacked healthy masculinity examples growing up, so while we desire things from our men we choke up when it’s time to express ourselves to him. Become aware of the root of your discomfort and limiting beliefs around men and money. Doing the inner work of unlearning limiting beliefs is so valuable for tackling this challenge. Money is merely a tool for exchange and it’s meant to be spent responsibly. When a man spends on you, he is taking care of his responsibilities.
Comments